Tips for loving someone with out losing your self.

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1. DON'T BELIEVE THE "YOU COMPLETE ME" MYTH"

My other half," or "my BETTER half"... You hear people refer to their significant others that way all the time.

It may seem harmless but this is troublesome thinking.

That's because if you truly believe that you're just half of a person until you meet the soul mate that will make you whole, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment, like i mentioned the day of my book club meeting with the girls I don not believe in soul mates.

The only way to become a whole person is to complete yourself.

If you find yourself stuck in this thinking then it's time to take the focus off your significant other (or off of your quest to find the one who will "rescue" you from feeling incomplete) and start taking some proactive steps toward creating the fulfilling life you deserve for YOURSELF.

The interesting thing about this is that by placing the focus on completing YOURSELF, your relationship will most likely improve on its own.

Why?

Because relationships have a much better chance of surviving- and thriving - when two whole people come together out of a desire to share their full, happy lives with one another. They are people who feel good about themselves yet desire a partner to walk thorough this world with and experience life together.

These are the relationships that succeed.

You can have that kind of relationship if you're willing to focus on yourself.In "Dating Without Drama" I'll show you how.

2. DON'T BE A "YES" WOMAN

If you think that agreeing with everything your man says,replying "whatever you think honey," or "I dunno...what do YOU want to do?" makes you easygoing and appealing...

THINK AGAIN.

If you think that dropping all of your own interests and plans to make yourself totally available to him whenever he wants to see you is sexy...

WRONG-O.

If your boyfriend didn't want to date a REAL woman with her own thoughts, opinions and desires, he could have bought a blow-up woman at a novelty store. So speak your mind! Have an opinion! Be yourself!

He fell for YOU for a reason. Don't let him forget who that person is.

3. RECOGNIZE ALL OF THE GREAT QUALITIES THAT YOU BRING TO THE RELATIONSHIP

It's easy to make yourself feel small in a relationship when you put your boyfriend on a pedestal and think, "he's so wonderful...what could he possibly see in a woman like me?

"He sees a lot in you, or he wouldn't be with you!

Take some time to recognize the fabulous qualities that you bring to your relationship (don't worry - nobody can hear your thoughts so you won't sound conceited). They might go something like this:

* "I am a great listener and I have a warm, supportive nature."
* "My smile lights up the room."
* "My shoulder massages melt my boyfriend's bad day away!"

Now next time you feel like your man is doing you a FAVOR by being with you, remember this reality check. He is fortunate to be with YOU too!

4. HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE

In the moment, it may make you feel good to spend every minute with your boyfriend (even tagging along to poker night with the guys, uninvited), but trust me, this is just a quick fix that will only undermine your chances for real security.

If you really want a solid relationship, you have to make yourself a priority and have your own life.

Take care of your health by eating well and exercising. Find your spiritual path. See a therapist to work through unresolved issues, if necessary. Do the things you love - reading, dancing, writing, watching movies, traveling around the world, join a book club or host a book club ... Connect with friends. Learn all you can. Always be open to growth, be it intellectual, spiritual or emotional. And listen to your heart's desire, your calling ... and honor it.

Always make it a priority to DATE YOURSELF FIRST. Take yourself to museums, check out that hot new restaurant that just got written up in the Times, tackle that rock-climbing wall at the gym that you've been equally terrified and fascinated by. There's no room for desperation when you've got a perfectly good date for every occasion ...you. Take a sexy rose pedal bath surrounded by candles, ladies I have tried this again when I was single, I felt sexy, beautiful, and confident. I would go to bed as if I was going to have the sexiest night with someone... and no I was not! Why do we have to do all this for someone and not for ourselves! Try it this works, I did this before my reconciliation with Carlos. I thank god I had time to dedicate it to my self.

As you focus on your own happiness you will be amazed at the transformation that starts to occur within you. Trust me when I was single, I always focused on me and applied the love my self and at the end of the day I was the happiest person alone and single ( alone with out a partner because I have my kids).

You will feel comfortable in your own skin, and you won't approach your relationship from a place of need, but rather one of strength.Your boyfriend will be drawn to your confidence and will do anything just to be able to spend time with you.

And although you may start out with the perfect relationship as your ultimate goal, in the end that will be just a happy by-product of a healthier, more content you.

"5. DON'T MAKE PLANS OUT OF CONTINGENCY, JEALOUSY, FEAR OR SPITE

Just a clarification on Tip #4 - the security that comes from having your own life only works when your motives are true.

If you're making plans with your friends just as a contingency (knowing full well that you'll bail on them last-minute if your man wants to see you), or out of jealousy, fear, or spite (he's on a business trip with that hot woman from his office and you think..."I'll show HIM! I'll go out with my ex-boyfriend tonight and see how HE feels") he will see through it and your plans will backfire. Guaranteed.

6. DON'T OBSESS ABOUT PERFECTION

Nobody's perfect, so don't expect your relationship to be! Having realistic expectations means that you won't be so thrown every time you have a not-so-great date or get into an argument.

That's the other thing - all couples fight. Conflict can't be avoided. In fact, disagreements, when worked through properly,can be healthy and help your relationship grow.

Remember, if your guy is worth it he will stick with you through the tough times. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself and enjoy!

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To sum up...By focusing on your own well-being and self-improvement, you are bound to become healthier, happier and more confident.This may very well cause your boyfriend to sit up and take notice of your new found independence and improved self-image, which could really help strengthen your bond. But the REAL reason why a positive self-image is the secret to feeling secure in your relationship is this:When you feel COMPLETE in yourself, the feelings of NEEDINESS about your relationship disappear. That's because you know deep down that if things don't ultimately work out between you and your boyfriend, you will still feel good about YOURSELF and have all the tools you need to enjoy your own life with or without a man. I am married and still trying to figure life out but for now this is what I have learned through time and for the most part applied.

But you don't have to take MY word for it!

xoxo
griselle